I keep forgetting what I need to download.. every time I find myself with internet access… not this time.. this time I’ve made a list!!!

Mostly it’s a part of “Project Unearthed Arcana” which is a process via which.. I’ve gone through old boxes.. packed.. I think.. from the apartment I was living in in the end of my college experience.. when I moved back in with the folks..

One of the mysterious missing items.. besides a bunch of photos and slides documenting various portfolio work, and a couple guitar peddles (one of which I’ve found) has been a large cache of guitar magazines.. complete with transcriptions…

Those were the days I took the guitar seriously.. but even so.. and even as I had this large library of magazines and transicriptions.. I never found the motivations to learn any actual songs.. with about 3 execeptions.. I supposed it didn’t help that most of the music I was into was particularly challenging and.. I was more interested in writing songs that performing them…

But now I find myself in a strange situation where.. I’m putting new amounts of seriousness into my guitar stuff.. and as a part of that.. I’m thinking.. I should start learning some covers… and as a part of this.. these are the songs I was thinking of downloading from youtube…

Mind you.. in many cases this has more  to do with what I could find in the magazines then my taste or judgement:

(also, do be so kind as to excuse the spelling issue)

Zep

• Song remains the same
• rambling on

Jimi

• Purpose Haze
• Manic Depression
• Machine gun

Jeff Beck

Where were you

megadeth

peace sells

Ministry

Jesus built my hot rod

Beatles

• Day tripper
• Backbird
• Birthday

Stevie Ray VAn

Texas Flood

George Thorogood

Bad to the bone

Creedence clearwater revival

green river

Black Sabbath

into the void

Iron Maiden

Number of the Beast

Doors

Roadhouse Blues

Steppenwolf 

Born to be wild

White Snake

Still of the NIght

Michael Jackson

Beat it

ArrowSmith

Train Kept a rollin’

Ted Nugent

cat scratch feaver

Of course the other idea was to do a Mash up of Ice-T’s Power with a bit of Michele Foucault lectures… err, some examples:

and

I don’t know how much of this I’ve been posting on.. so let me start off with a quick overview:

I decided I needed to build a new website as a part of getting a business going.. for my art and music and whatever. A normal part of this kind work is to go and do a “content audit” for what might go in the site. I was thinking mostly along the lines of images.. nothing else really… but as I started digging through older work and playing around.. I began to get hit with something.

There is a project “I’m supposed to do.” It’s like something in your unconscious going “yo, shit head, remember me? Remember how we were going to go do this and take over the world? Well dude, it’s time, I’m here, are you ready?”

An odd think for your unconscious to tell you no doubt.

What I’ve discovered is work going all the way back to when I was in high school. Some of what I’m finding is massively fascinating to me.. I’m seeing who I was “way back when.” There are stories we sometimes tell about these old times.. but in looking through this stuff it’s like.. an encounter with the psychological reality of the those days. It’s not really a nostalgia trip…. put that way.

What I’m seeing is someone who’s.. intensely damaged… a kind of bloody pulp of a human being.. who probably really just wants to heal.. but is so far down in some pit of hell.. that that’s just not possible..

There’s different sides I’m seeing… one side is this kind of constructive.. intellectual, artistic, musical, whatever-a-cle.. part of me.. who is always working for my over all betterment.. and then there’s another part I see.. which is very child like.. playing around with concepts and ideas in all of these novel ways. It’s probably mostly Freud and Jung.. and I can see my… battle.. with my times.. with the world.. emotionally, intellectually, psychologically… it’s nieve in places…

It’s funny really.. there was a whole lot of stuff I was trying to articulate.. about the structure of human society.. years latter I would run into Foucault.. a french philosopher who died in the 80s from AIDS… but what he was saying.. in a much more articulate kind of form.. is very much like what I was trying to say in some of these earlier days.

In a way it’s almost like “letters from the womb.” It’s like your in some sense still in the womb.. and the womb is killing you..

Incredible levels of frustration..

And there’s this whole part of it.. that’s like.. not really understanding life at all..

And there’s a way that all the armor and defenses become a protection against life.

Well what I want to do is tell a story… maybe many stories.. and its like going into this old unearthed arcana.. is bringing that story to life for me….

I don’t know how I’m going to tell the story… or even what the story is.. It’s just that I have this giant cache to work with.

I have notebooks that stand as high as your knees.. dating back to high school I think… and I found a few high school sketchbooks… I got this stack of CD ROMs and DVD ROMS… which I can hopefully recover work form… there’s all kinds of shit in my computer.. I found a tun of video tape… I didn’t even know I had.

An excavation project.. of all this work.. is a fucking mammoth project… onto its self.. and.. I’m not sure if that’s the rabbit hole I’m looking for.

Curation:

You can tell any story you want… with the facts.. how you organize the facts.. how you frame it… why you select one thing and not another.. so the curation process is one that sorta alters reality.. but also it must be said.. that what is there.. what got written down.. or whatever.. it’s self is selective..

I guess what I’m trying to do now.. is get to know this former me.. who is a part of me somewhere inside.. to try and help me understand who I am.. where I came from.. how I got here.. and see what kind of insight this might give for going forward.

I look at this former me and I think “Jesus, this dude just needed someone to love him.” In a huge way.. that’s what it all comes down to.

My parents loved me but they didn’t accept me, so the me they didn’t accept was not loved.. and it seemed like no part of the world could accept me.. the whole of me. And there was like this giant obstacle in my path.. which was partly a product of my parents control, partly a product of the way the world works, I’d argue partly what is wrong with the world.. so a kind of systemic shadow / evil side of our world.. and part of it.. a huge part.. was the kind of psychological and emotional damage that had already been done.. all of this was the obstacle.

And it’s an obstacle that is still in front of me today.

Lets talk a little about where I’m at today.

So there’s the stuff that I may repeat more then I need to.. how right now I’m living on $60 a week + food stamps, and I don’t pay to live here.. or the electricity.. at least not at the moment..

I feel intensely lonely and isolated.. and it still feels like.. there’s not really anyone I’m terribly intimate with..

There was a women I met on the internet.. and we were a kind of internet thing, if you will.. with the idea that she’d come up here one day.. and hopefully that day would be.. well probably within a year.. but that never seemed enough to me.. that having someone who lives in some other state.. isn’t good enough.. and who knows what you find when you finally meet.. accept that we’d been talking for years… but now I haven’t heard from her for quite a while.. well.. there’s madness in her world.. shit that’s awful to try and deal with.. I don’t know how bad it is.

But even with her.. well.. she probably knows me better then anyone… accept she doesn’t really know what I’m going through on a day to day basis.. or about a lot of the pain I feel… etc, etc, etc…. and not to mention I haven’t heard from her for a long while now…

There’s a number of people in my world that I call friends.. but various forces ether keep me from seeing them too often, or… I just don’t hang out with them all that often…

But the obstacle.. it’s almost like what I really need is some big hug, and to be told it’s all going to work and and be ok.. and to have some guidance along the way.. towards doing whatever it is I think I need to be doing.. and I need some being taken care of…. I think that would get me through it.

So maybe that should be my over riding objective in life

Like.. ok.. create a supportive network around your self..

A few latter:

Back to the subject of the project:

So… looking at all this stuff there’s still the question of “what’s the story I want to tell.” I think there’s the epistemological and ontological aesthetic issues of art which..

There’s what story you want to tell and when do you what to tell it, or perhaps even where you want to tell it.

As I see it there’s a kind of.. mythological philosophy at the center… which makes me think quite a bit of Sun Ra… and what I’m thinking is.. I would like, very much, to sample directly from what I’m able to find in these note books.. for the telling of that story…. and to sample from the old art… even when the old art is terrible amateurish.. stuff.. It may still be in some ways be expressive.. of something… that has something to do with the story to tell.

So the philosophy mythology…

Well I’ll tell you what’s running through my head.. this feeling of being lost in the world of imagination.. and not knowing the difference between that and empirical reality.. as being a part of the psychological.. issue…

So the philosophy mythology may be… a kind of expression of psychosis. I mean it might be “welcome to my delusional world.”

I had this weird conversation with my therapist about something similar to this, in my last session.. which she said had to do with why people don’t want to share there journals.. like that this might be a part of my blogging.. why I write so much and post so little… like I don’t want to show you certain things.. like where I fear I might be too egotistical or too this, too that… and I mean.. it doesn’t seem like I’m censoring that much, does it?

But there is this underlying fear of delusionalism.. that’s been a major thing for a while. It’s the.. not knowing what of what you believe is true and what is not.. and that what you have to do is differentiate between the two… and then belief it’s self.. why do you believe x versus y… what is the roll of the fictions.. what is use value of belief..

All of this is sorta putting your self on the operating table.. and as Nietzsche would say.. beware of throwing out your demons less you throw out the best thing you have in you.

Still.. you want to make these kinds of differentiations.. if you need a weight baring structure to stand on.

Or maybe.. you simply must rely on faith?

So………….

As I said recently, in something I don’t think I posted… I need to look at the bigger picture before I can really start.. I need to have that idea of what it is I need to do..

So…. here’s what I’m thinking right now….

I have been messing around with these.. there almost like mood boards… which is a conventional part of the web design process.. it’s a bit like.. defining the visual identity of the site.. accept that these aren’t really done with the idea that they are mood boards… they’re half way… well maybe less then that.. to page mock ups.

Ok.. lets talk about a kind of manifesto idea I have for the web design aspect of these projects.

I’ve been hanging out in book stores.. going through the art and design sections.. looking at work…. and doing this has brought me to a number of conclusions.

1. The web SUCKS. HTML5 and CSS3 are rubbish… just in terms of the limitations they impose on design.
2. The web SUCKS.. from the issues of navigation, usability, strategic objectives.. whatever, whatever, whatever.. all of this impacts design… and makes it.. well, what i is…..

Ok.. I’m a fucking artist… right? Like.. visual, musical, conceptual, philosophical, whatever-a-cal… So.. the idea that the site would emphasis these things over conventional strategic / whatever stuff.. I think makes a good deal of sense.

So in a way… what I want to do is create bad web design.

I’ve had this idea for ages.. that you would create a site where there was this surface layer that operated from a very strategic level.. and then beneath that were the depths.. on the surface layer.. the site would function as a site should.. and it would suffer from the usual things web sites suffer from…

But then there would be the depths..

The surface structure of the site is pretty freaking simple….

A few latter:

Well.. I gotta get a move on on things… so I guess I’ll leave it here…

But just to say one of the things I’m searching for is visual impact.

And the internet isn’t good.. I’m downloading some podcasts.. and not remembering what it was I was supposed to be downloading… or researching, or whatever… but I don’t really feel like doing much of any of that.. and i think that’s just cause.. well an effect of sitting in this parking lot.

I think I need to find some place to go get exercise

Maybe I should just go to the grocery store.. spend unwisely.. go home, and recharge my battery and come back latter?

latter:

Yeah, thats what I think i’m going to do, I can hack this parking lot much longer!

I’ve.. for.. I don’t know how long now.. a week and a half maybe.. been working on writing this song..

Unlike how I normally work, this song is being written on the guitar. Normally, the way I write, I program instrument performances into a sequencer, and work on a mix.. starting from measure one and working through till the end of the piece.. usually with no idea where it will take me a long the way….

But with guitar… I have to work on ideas.. and then work on the performance of the idea till I get it to such a place that my performance is ready to be recorded… that the results will be good enough to say “ok, so the guitar does this here” and I have a reasonably accurate representation of what it should be.. so that I can then work on the other parts or move forward…

So.. the going takes a whole heck of a lot longer.. that’s maybe point 1… point 2 is probably that.. the way I normally write music.. I don’t really think of as song writing…. and so I’m sitting here wondering if what I’m is song writing at all.

There’s other things to.. like how I think on guitar is different from how I think in a sequencer. In a sequencer.. as with any software, there’s the influence of the software on how you create whatever it is you’re creating: what is easier or more difficult in the software.. .you have x energy to give it.. so you tend to put your energy where you’ll get the most results.. (what is easier) thus… software’s influence on the results.

When I’m playing the guitar.. the issue is my abilities as a guitarist.. what’s easy or difficult for me.. and how that might influence me…  accept that I have issues.. and so insist on doing things that are difficult for myself….  but none the less.. my abilities as a guitarist has a huge influence on my writing.

In any event, the effect of the slowness of your progress results in a kind of raising the level of detail you work at.. or something like that…

The song I’m working on now.. is madness

It starts off in 9/8, goes along with that for about 8 measures, then its 2 measures of good old fashion 4/4… then 2 measures of 7/8…. and i’m not really sure of the meter after that…

In fact.. I’m not even sure about that 7/8 bit.. I think its more like my performance is just that far off the beat… that it ends up fitting into the space of 7/8 but its probably supposed to be 4/4… and maybe some of the issue here is that.. I’m playing to a grid.. as a pose to playing by feel.. and maybe there’s supposed to be a tempo change or something…

Besides the meter madness there’s the matter of harmonic / chord madness… the chord progression.. changes depending on what level of proximity you are looking at..  so that there’s different ways you could interpret the progression.. which is kinda strange…

Basically.. its all in this one chord: E minor.. accept that.. well it’s CMaj7, C# Diminished.. there’s all kinds of modalism going on…  and then there’s a few other chords… and its evolving this way and that.. and then finally..  some where beyond what I’ve totally worked out… we move to A minor.. maybe…

And is this madness a song?

I was thinking.. that all I’ve described up until this point… which is about 35 seconds worth recorded material.. and then I’m not sure how long the not totally worked out material will be… was all intro….. but I’m not really sure that it works…  like I think there needs to be something more… like say a vocal that comes in part way through this..

And whatever the hell you want to say about it… it ain’t no verse chorus verse bridge chorus solo whatever outro thing… I mean it’s structure doesn’t fit into any of that… at least not at this point.. at this point it’s just a constant introduction of new material, new ideas… you can sorta listen to it as an evolution of some ideas… which again speaks to that “it depends on your proximity from it.. you’ll hear different structural ideas”…..

Maybe all that is cool…

Speculation on what kind of a song it is / what its about

I think it’s a love song.. a very dark and creepy love song… or maybe its not dark and creepy.. and maybe its not a love song.. or like.. not a romantic love song anyway… I mean.. its definitely dark.. and full of pain… and torment..  and if its creepy its because the torment of the soul.. that we feel.. makes you think “dude, is this guy a serial killer or something?”

Maybe what it is.. is a love song sung by a broken person…..  You know.. we are all broken people… really… but maybe this is a song that’s emphasizing the broken-ness…

It’s very autobiographical.. it seems to me.

When it comes to matters of love.. I feel a very acute sense of… a barrier between myself and love realized… where you gotta be willing to walk on fire.. and then have a certain amount of luck.. and like.. do battle with whatever the demon is.. and actually win that battle.. and the chances are probably stacked against you… kinda thing.. in order to realize said love.

So, in a way.. its incredibly sad and tragic.. as a portrait.. of.. lets say a situation.. or a feeling.. or whatever.

But it’s also incredibly beautiful…. because of how heroic it is. I mean.. we are all damaged people.. ok.. but how many of us.. in our adventures of love, sex, and procreation… walk through all the fires of there broken-ness… in quest of love? Another words.. as you’re getting to know someone.. well.. lets say that conventionally there’s lots of surprises that happen after the marriage……..  but that actually has more to do with the kind of psychological projection that happens as a result of falling in love… then what we hide.. or maybe what we hide is a part of it?

And… the idea of love I’m running with.. is one of a love that is transcendent… is an earthly manifestation of the divine.. which is to say.. a very troubadour / knights of the round table.. notion of romantic love….  And in this kind of love.. in order to find this kind of love.. you had to be willing to risk eternal damnation… in fact Dante.. who writes, you might say, the definitive tale of heaven and hell.. puts Tristan and Isolt.. which would be the folks risking eternal damnation… in hell.

Well.. this is theologically complex grounds.. philosophically as well…

But as I say.. I’m not even sure that it’s a song about a romantic love.. It could be agope?

Perhaps its a song about my social anxiety? The barriers between myself an intimacy? …any sort of intimacy…

Well I don’t know.. it doesn’t actually have any lyrics yet, just a few lyrical ideas.. if they are even formed enough to merit the attribution of “lyrical ideas.”

On the subject of the going

As I say I’ve been working on it for about a weak and a half.. and its getting into the sorta place where I find myself working… well.. more and more on my guitar playing.. 3+ hours a day anyway.  That is that much time spent on the guitar…  and that time is spent ether working on performing ideas I’ve already sorta finalized, searching for entirely new ideas, working out other ideas.. or other stuff entirely.

Ideally.. I’d like to really raise the number of hours a day.. but at a certain point that limits how much time I can spend doing other things.. and can quickly become unsustainable.. So.. somewhere along the line I gotta figure out.. let say “my existential relationship to the concept of priorities.”

(At this point, the “getting things done” time management people.. are not thinking to highly of me)

There’s something about having a battery that’s going to die soon that always seems to motivate me to make a post…  Maybe it’s cause it keeps me from making super long epic unreadable posts? Something anyway..

So new news of anything?

A pay check came recently, or I found it in the mail box late last night.. which I meant to take with me to cash.. but forgot.. fortunately I’m not far from the house.. but.. figures the main thing for me to do I forget.

Its been a few day’s since I’ve accessed the internet.. been in something of a depressed mood… But I’m not sold on the idea that the depressed mood is a bad thing.. all though it is something to take note of.. considering the meds I’m on for depression… that I’m having these moods not un-regularly.

What I’m kinda feeling at the moment is.. mental health for me is going to require me to go through painful stuff inside me.. so I’m not entirely looking forward to it.

Hmm.. what else worthing talking about?

I’m working on some new guitar based music.. kinda excited about it.. started out with just wanted to explore Guitar Rig 5.. which is a part of Komplete 8.. to kinda see what it has to offer.. it is fairly epic.. or feels that way.. as I go through the presets and what not… and I was able to crafts some tones that seemed to make sense for what I was doing…

I’m still in the camp of not really liking amp modeling so much… I mean.. there’s a lot that can be said for it.. but even my simple amp with no effects.. there’s really a lot to be said for that.

In other news I’m continuing the process of pouring HMTL5 stuff into my head.. some of it’s sticking.. Some of it is.. becoming stuff I’m just sorta remembering cause I’m told it so often in all the content I consume relative to web design…

Anyway.. time to dad-a-lee-skip on out of here.. get that pay check.. and take a trip to the library..

The strangest of these things is a looming sense that sanity could strike any moment.. and I could end up joining the human race… Oh.. I dramatize… the danger is probably not all that bad but.. ok, yeah.. its a little bad.

Ever since I was like “Yeah, I’m scared shitless about this life stuff that I’m so ill-prepared for” I’ve found that.. there’s been this growing sense of “ok-ness” as I do those basic things I ought to do to, like.. survive and…

Ok.. case in point.. today I did a bad thing, I went to a movie.. the Avengers.. not too shabby a movie. It was a bad thing cause I can’t afford it. Actually.. it was shortly after I arrived at a show last night.. and found there was a cover charge.. that I was over my alloted spending for the week..

Well ok.. lets be honest.. that’s a lot of creative accounting.. I had spent too much way before then.. but…

But I decided I would reward myself today.. and seeing as it’s Sunday, I figured I could argue that it’s really “next week.”

And why would I reward myself?

#1 I have not had a smoke today or yesterday. That’s probably a kind a big deal… I still have a good supply of drugs to help me quite.. but.. it looks like I ought to be able to kick it.. though I confess I have a partial smoke, I found in the car, on the back seat.. though I haven’t smoked it.

#2 Ok.. so if you know me.. this will come as a jaw dropping shock.. I cleaned out my car today… I also cleaned the house of returnable can-age.. and a certain amount of trash.

Ok.. so none of that really seems like much.. but.. the very fact that there’s all kinds of silverware is in a draw.. and the sink.. is like.. not as bad as it was… that is to say that this is a part of an over all trend.. of.. hope?

I must say I’m craving that smoke.

The feeling is one of…  When my Mom died.. it was like an epically traumatic event..  that along with trying to take care of my dad.. and the state getting involved.. ending up on disability… and then this business of dealing with being so dirt ass poor…

Err… when my Mom died there were a lot of things that.. were like.. things I wasn’t used to doing.. hadn’t done before.. somehow had an emotional pain associated with doing them.. connected to the loss of my mom…

Like really basic things like.. cooking, or going to a grocery store and buying food… or like.. bringing in the mail.. or like.. using a phone or like.. were all like difficult for me..

I know.. madness…

Anyway.. so it seems like.. I feel like there’s some level of “recovery” going on now.. and maybe I can pick myself up and become functional sometime soon…

Imagine that?

But it really does feel that way..

Which somewhat reminds me of a dream I had.. I think last night.. in the dream my Dad dies.. and he’s somehow covered up in the bed.. and somehow.. I guess with my mom.. we are traveling back and forth to where her family is from in upstate NY… with my Dad’s body.. we might be trying to keep him from dying.. I don’t quite remember.

I’m on medication that makes my dreams crazy mind you..

I have a lot of dreams where my Dad dies and my Mom is still alive.. I guess I don’t really remember too much of it.. but the look of my dad’s corpse.. it was somewhat cartoon-e-esk.. and somehow deflated.. almost like.. we had mummified him, and then a whole long time after words.. unwrapped the linens form his body.

I don’t really know what the connection is there.. just that the dreams seem to intertwine with this very strange feeling of sanity creeping up on me.

Anyway…

To some extent this is a continuation of a recent post “From shame and depression to Art and Business Strateg-ary.”

Well I made it out to the library today.. my main thing was to interact with my case manager person.. if that’s even what you call her? I needed to email her.. plus I haven’t heard from her for a while.. so with any luck, with her help, I’ll be able to get to the bottom of my various issues… and work through them…..

A big open question on my to do list is getting internet, here’s what the scene looks like:

So it used to be that my dad was paying my internet, cable, and phone.. this because his court appointed guardian, the person who issued me the eviction noticed… kept the internet/cable/phone thing going? Then she shut it off and so I have been without for sometime now.

Now.. if I go out and get phone, cable, and internet.. there are government services that will pay for the phone part of that.. I don’t really give a crap about the cable.. I just want the internet.. I don’t think I can just get internet and so given how much the bundle costs.. well that’s just a huge chunk of change for me…

As a result I thought I’d wait till after I took care of the car issues.. so I kinda knew where I stood money wise first.. but.. the truth is.. The monthly gas expense of driving to the library, or wherever else, to find an open wifi connection to the internet.. probably doesn’t cost that much less then just getting the damn internet… and when you combine that with not being able to use the internet to like.. buy stuff.. or say pay this ticket I have for an un-inspected car.. or like.. communicate with anybody without leaving the house, etc.. (not to mention how this can aggravate my anxiety, sense of isolation, and depression) I begin to wonder if it makes any sense at all to wait on the internet.

Mifi

The other option is a pay as you go mifi card I own.. from Virgin Mobil… which has it’s down sides but…  well its about the size of a credit card, but thicker.. has rechargeable batteries.. and creates a wifi network you can sign into to use the internet with.. (and costs less then Cable + Internet I believe)

In someways this seems like the best option of all cause it means I can have internet anywhere.. but I at least haven’t worked out a way that I could get internet access from my desktop using the MiFI.. (which is kinda a serious issue), the Virgin MiFi connection is pretty slow… maybe too slow for video.. and you get knocked off rather regularly.

The Training Issue

The “too slow for video issue” is a major issue as I’m counting on.. every now and then, paying for all you can eat one month subscriptions to various online video training sits.. say for web design.. or music production actually..

This training is pretty necessary for my plan to try and get in the job market one way or another… let alone all my other move forward in my life plans..

One of these subscriptions usually costs.. I don’t know but I have it in my head that it costs.. around $35 for a month. Now.. for web design, very often.. the only other option seems to be to go out and get a book.. something libraries aren’t good at.. and Mifi might not compensate for.. and an individual book.. well $50 isn’t at all uncommon.. mind you that these end up being references you can refer to down the road.. but still.. if I need the training to move forward, I probably need high speed internet.

When it comes to music production.. there really isn’t anything in book form that covers what these online training videos cover.. the closest you can get are these expensive import magazines that are like $15+ a month… But it’s still really no comparison.

So you can see how it turns out that faster internet actually ends up being more affordable then not having internet, or going the MiFi route.. (unless maybe I made it a habit of using friends internet.. though that still won’t take care of the video training thing)

And this becomes even more so if you factor in the issue of being able to upload videos as a part of any sorta content marketing scheme..

So the outlook and questions of the moment

Since the internet / cable / phone were in my dad’s name.. what are the issue of me getting it back? Are there legal issues here? I must find out.

Perhaps MiFi would make sense as an interim solution..

I didn’t mention this.. but I have a not connected to the internet old.. second generation iPhone.. so with MiFi I really could go online from anywhere with that.

I also have the ambition of getting myself an iPad, if I’m ever able to find the means.. these things are growing in importance relative to music production.. and with a MiFi card it could serve the purposes of a smart phone for me (Like I’d ever use a phone to make phone calls)

But there is a situation with my MiFi where I can’t seem to get into it’s wifi network which is a prerequisite for using the internet… and so far there tech support hasn’t been terribly helpful.

Like a Phenix it will rise.. and better then before no less!!!

I wont, at this time, go into all the gory details.. but I was right, the Mac Pro’s problem was the graphics card, and I’m now in a parking lot, waiting for my therapist appointment, before its time to run home and install the replacement.

Apple offered me $250 to replace the card.. this being a card from a 4 year old computer.. so $250 seemed like crazy talk to me, especially considering it wasn’t really that highend 4 years ago… well the card I found was for the same money.. couldn’t really afford any more then that (but boy did I want that $800 card).. but stronger.

I’m not sure how much stronger the new card is, but it does have like twice the VRAM… so that’s something.

That and my version of Komplete is updated to the Ultimate..

All of this “changes everything” don’t cha know. While the priority ought to be working on the website, lets be honest.. .there’s nothing that will be able to pull me away from music production for sometime to come!

I mean Sweet Jesus!!!

Well actually

Last night I had sorta come to a conclusion for what I should be doing art wise… I should be doing “what I need to do.” And then the big question is “what do I need to say?”

So much of what I normally say, or normally feel motivated to say.. or whatever.. is a whole lot of intellectual whatever.. but really.. I think what I need to say is something .. not really intellectual so much..  what I need to do is tell a story..

I’m not sure how this is going to all work out.. but I this is what I figure:

1. I will be working heavily to create the content to tell the story with.. this is what I believe is of primary strategic importance. (Process wise I’ll be doing this to find out what my story is.. while I’m at it.)
2. I will be mucking about with the web technologies.. trying to upgrade my skills.
3. I’ll be working on new music / sound projects.

I believe, as an outgrowth of number 2.. well I’m gong to try and update my site as soon as I can… and put my music into digital distribution… and I guess then start trying to promote it while continuing to do those other 3 things.. and see if I can’t leverage the site / project in some way to get work while I’m at it.. for when next money situation seems dyer.

But really.. I have no idea where this will lead or where I’ll come out or what will happen. I just pray I can keep my head above water.

By way of context, I want to start off with #1 Why I’ve never been big on Best Buy and #2 the background of this experience.. before moving on to the actual bad experience.

Why I’ve never been big on Best Buy

I think it’s safe to say that I am a “technology guy.” Hell, an internet celebrity friend-ish person I know has often accused me of being a “technologist” which.. in this tech-e geek-e internet world is really saying something.

I’m also the guy who researches before he buys and generally finds that he knows more about the products then whatever customer service person he’s encountering…

And I guess that’s the deal.. I go to Best Buy and you can just feel it.. they’re used to dealing with low information consumers.. the sort who don’t know the difference between RAM memory and Hard Disk Memory… the sort who is easily taken advantage of.. isn’t very savy, etc.

I have something of a history of feeling insulted by the customer service people at Best Buy.. maybe I’m easily insulted that way, I don’t know.. but I feel like there’s always that assumption that you don’t know RAM from Hard drives..

After that, they often aren’t in a position to actually help me.. and perhaps because they are out to meet the needs of a broader consumer base then I represent.. I never feel too terribly well served by them.. and.. I often feel that for my specific needs.. what they’ll have in stock would be a choice that costs more then I need spend..

Never mind that it can often be quite difficult to get a sales person when you want one, and they’ll bug you when you don’t.

And on and on it goes.

The Context of This Visit

At the moment I’m church mouse poor.. trying to live off $60 a week, if you can imagine that.. and the computer I normally rely on recently died.. I also have a laptop but it’s not really up to the task of the desktop.. the good news is I have some material means to address the problem… including making my laptop more able to play the roll the desktop once played

Now, as it stands.. my job is to redesign this website, and right now this project involves creating content in the form of digital graphics, maybe paintings, and perhaps photographs.. stuff that takes up a not unsubstantial amount of space..

The trouble is.. that I have less then 1GB worth of disk space on this lap top.. and I have lots of graphics on the old computer I need to move over to the laptop if I’m going to be able to move forward on this project.. also, its worth saying.. having less then 1GB of space on your hard drive will considerably slow down your computer’s performance because your computer uses that disk space for virtual memory.. for the operating system.

So.. basically I can’t really move forward too much till I do something about the my disk space issue…..

Well as it turns out I have a 500 GB “Rugged” drive.. the problem with this drive is it won’t take power from my computer’s USB, so I gotta plug it in if I’m going to use it… so the other day I was like “screw it, I can afford to replace the chord” and so I went off to the local radio shack to see what they had.

Well they didn’t have the right power supply… and if they did, it probably would have cost about $25 or so.

I then I got to thinking.. that I might be able to get a new Rugged drive.. for not too much more then $100.. and thus get a new power supply in the process, and if so.. the idea that 1/4 of that price would go to the power supply just seemed crazy…

Thus Began the Hard Drive Hunt

I went to all the local stores that might sell said hard drive: Best Buy, Target, Walmart, even the Apple Store…

Best buy had it for $160.. and… I was just having a really hard time rationalizing the investment.. particularly when you can buy a none rugged drive.. with like 1TB of space.. for $100.. so clearly at $160.. it just ain’t worth it for me..

(I should maybe mentioned that the different between the LaCie Rugged drives and other drives are.. that they’re supposed to be rugged.. so there a good choice to take out with you and your laptop… )

Finally I went and got myself some free wifi to go check the computer store I actually do like shopping at… Micro Center… and what do you know, they have what looks like the same drive for $110.

Well.. its like 4PM at this point.. not the ideal time to go drive into Boston [creeping up on rush hour] plus, considering the gas money involved.. I’d much rather wait till an un rainy day so I could also spend the day walking around Boston and getting some exercise and what not.

And then I thought “wait, what if Best Buy does Price Match?”

My Best Buy Shopping Experience

So I ran in and talked to a sales guy “you price match?” “Yeah, everything but Amazon, cause they can name there price.” “Microcenter?” “Yeah, we’ll price match Microcenter.”

And he tells me to go over to the computer section.

So I do.. takes some doing but I find a sales guy “Yeah, we price match, but you gotta go over there to customer service.”

Ok, I’m a tiny bit annoyed cause they are sending be around the store when I don’t need to.. and now I gotta go wait in a customer service line… but I’m excited about the prospects of getting a new drive.

In the line I get a new story “yeah, we price match as long as its within” I can’t remember the number of miles here “a Best Buy” which is pretty much everywhere…

So consistency is clearly not Best Buy’s strong suite here.

So eventually the women looks up Microcenter and the drive I had found didn’t come up… and there was some back and fourth on that.. so eventually it seemed I had to run back to my car to find my laptop to prove my point…

When I got to the laptop I discovered that the page wasn’t still up.. so I had to run off to some place that had open wifi…

Mind you.. I really didn’t want to waist this kind of time…

Anyway.. so my search showed the hard drive selling for $107 at Microcenter.. I did another search.. just through Google.. and what do you know.. it was selling at fucking Best Buy for $104.

And I can tell you the average price was around $110.

So back to Best Buy I go… bring my laptop.

I don’t know if they had wifi or not.. but I show them the Microcenter thing.. and its discovered that this isn’t specifically the Boston Microcenter.. its just in there system.. where this price is to be had…

Now if it can be price matched to any place that has a physical location within X miles of a Best Buy, it need not be at that specific Microcenter to price match, right? So as a customer.. if I say had a smart phone, do you not think I would then be checking every other Microcenter across the country, or finding out at what Microcenter it was at?

So.. yeah.. I’m sorta annoyed..

Next I show her the freaking Best Buy price.

No, we can’t price match our selves? I’m thinking “WTF?”

I mean.. if the story is you can price match a anything as long as it’s within X miles of a Best Buy.. you would think Best Buy ought to qualify right?

After this she has me going back and forth between micro center and them on my not connected to the internet laptop… and then finally.. after much hassle.. and me getting pretty upset over this BS.. cause you know.. to me it’s like “do you or do you not price match?”

Someone says no you can price match us.

So after having to go through alllllll of this crap.. they’re like “oh, no, its a different sku.”

It was like they were trying to make sure I couldn’t get it at the price matched price.. that that was what was really important to them… not me the customer..  where as from my point of view.. I was generously giving them a chance to have the sale.. and now I was already working too hard for them.. and they weren’t treating me well

“Would you like to buy it anyway” she said.. OMG I was going to bight her head off. “NO! I say in a somewhat kurt way.”

I mean.. fucking A.. they have a computer.. if they had so much done a google price they would see the going price was about $50 less then what they were selling it for.. this on something that only cost $160.. at there unrealistic price. And secondly.. the two hard drives were fucking identical.. so where’s your value proposition for why I should spend an extra $50 on your drive.. and further more, why the hell would I buy it from you at this this price after we’ve established that what I want can be had else where for less WAY LESS MONEY?”

Not to mention, I found found those prices in like 2 minutes of time. .I could leave the store, do it again.. if not for the hassle.. and fine a qualifying store, I’m pretty freaking sure.. so why couldn’t you do that for so as to help me avoid the hassle?

I mean that would be customer centric.. that would be giving me a good brand experience.. that would be making me want to buy stuff from your store more often.

Now, I can tell you.. even though I know I could probably find a cable for my drive for $25, and buy a 1TB drive at Best Buy for $100.. I’m not going to do it… and I will continue to advocate.. to anyone who will listen “don’t buy shit at Best Buy.” And.. in the future, as has been the case for as long as I can remember, Best Buy will be the last place I will turn!!!

So you tell me how this is good business practice for Best Buy?

I have to say, as well, that this makes there price matching seem rather miss leading.. The idea of price matching is to suggest you’re safe, you won’t find it cheaper then here.. and who, as a customer, gives a fuck if there competition is a store with a real physical location or not.. unless that physical location can give you some kind of added value… which Best Buy doesn’t really do for me.

So, lets recap

#1 You have a customer service person who put on this attitude where it seemed like every step of the way she was trying to keep me from getting what I wanted price matched.. including to the extent to which she was getting the rules wrong.

#2 Every sales person I spoke to had a different explanation on how the price matching worked..

#3 I waited way too much of my day screwing around with them.. and number

#4.. I believe good customer service is when you try to actually help the customer… and there really wasn’t any of this going on.. There was nothing about this customer service person who made me feel like she had the least interest in helping me or giving me a good shopping experience.

So you know, you can tell Rain Man Best Buy SUCK!!!

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An update: It’s now two days latter, I’ve just gotten back from a quick trip to Boston (and Microcenter) as a part of the “get the Mac Pro running again” project.. and I just want to say this: The drive was indeed at Microcenter center for $109….  Though I was glad I didn’t spend the money because.. as having the Mac Pro running again will change my priorities