Category Archives: psychology and spirit

That fire-e light-en-ing feel-ing Within (written at like 2 am)

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I’m feeling it again.. a kind of warm glowing feeling.. that seems to suggests great power.

In saying shit like this I always feel like a great deal of explanation is required to.. make any sense of.. WTF I’m talking about.. for the general reader.

Neuroscience kids have found that if you stimulate the right brain parts.. you’ll get abducted by aliens… by which I mean archetypes are a part of the structure of.. not only the psyche… but the brain.. our biology… and what have you. So.. this thing I’m talking about.. this feeling.. is an expression of such things.. wisdom of the body perhaps.. or something bigger still.

Symbols are sometimes a more powerful means of communicating then reason.. reason can be.. a bit flaccid sometimes..  because symbols can communicate.. not just ideas and concepts.. but experience it’s self…

And I think of it as a kind of cognitive compression scheme… you know.. how complex it is to learn to ride a bike as a small child.. all the sorta.. kinesthetic calculations involved… and latter we don’t think about any off that.. that stuff is like the basic building blocks that we’ve gone through so much it’s as if we aren’t thinking of them at all.. accept we are.. it’s just that they’ve been compressed.. into something like.. the chemical components of a structure.. that is.. what we now see our selves as thinking about.

So for instance.. how many of us think about digesting our food in order to get them stomach acids a going? Err..

Well anyway…  So.. what this feeling seem to be telling me is something about what I’m doing.. that I’m on the right path.. and never mind my often small minded way of thinking.. .this is big stuff.

I know the bigness because of the holographic nature of the structure via which I’m working.

Errr… that’s a hard concept to explain!!!

Well.. its like this cognitive compression scheme stuff… especially if you consider that at any given time our consciousness is only capable of a limited speed of images.. of limited size.. passing before our inward eyes.. of thought or whatever..   and.. only limited amount of stuff is accessible to us at any given time… but as you sorta look at larger time periods.. larger things are possible.

So the deal is.. that ideas are somehow nested in other ideas… in these complex chains of association.. .I am mentally walking down paths I’ve been walking the entirety of my life.. I know this psychic landscape quite well.. and…

This is the thing… this is really the thing that’s maybe central… for my entire life.. I’ve been trying to do this thing.. and I’m trying to do it still today… and that feeling i’m having.. is the strength… of all the me’s… stretching back to my birth to present.. the strength in me.. of all those moments… as I waded through this land scape… all that strength.. speaking at once.. seems somehow super human almost.

And in a sense.. the way this works is that we program our own consciousness.. and I’ve been a programing a life time.. with this set of tasks in mind.

It’s hard to talk about this stuff.. cause it is so crazy… that one would be so single minded.. from such an early age.. and through so much… adversity.. and to still refuse to let go of this path.. as if it were the same as letting go of your soul…

It’s that kinda bigness in my own life…

And so this burning fire, like the holy spirit it’s self.. saying “yeah bitches, we gotz a something here a brew-n.”

Hmm… I kinda dig this style of writing.. I think I’ll have to post this netx time i get online

Fleeting hopes

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I don’t really know what to post about.. I’m just sitting in a parking lot with open wifi and figured I should post something…

I’m in this kinda funny zone.. my loneliness has me wanting to post more.. cause hey, at least I have you to talk to, right? Err, are you even there?

I think I’m making some breakthroughs in my struggle with self.. but.. I don’t want to get to excited about this stuff.. but there is a kind of rising sense of hope lurking about.. hope that I could kinda sorta start feeling human.. or like..

Ok, so there’s a whole lot of stuff in my life, and in my psychology…. my life being in some ways an out ward manifestation of my psychology… that kinda keeps me feeling less then human, or like.. like there’s something wrong with me that keeps me from living a life that would be.. sorta less about pain…

On the subject of this problem… what I’m finding is new understandings of like.. what is keeping me here, and how all this is working.. and it seems like the tightness of the weave, that keeps it all in place.. is starting to loosen up a little bit..

Fun with Nietzsche

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I’ve been a big fan of Nietzsche since college… and he’s one of these guys whom I think of as “early foundations to my thinking.” He is close to Freud, Jung, and Joseph Campbell.. as the principle figures of my thought.

In any event.. I found some online courses on Nietzsche.. which I thought would be good for augmenting my perspective. Anyway, this blog post is just an excuse to put the links here. So.. the link to this Nietzsche course is here, and I found it in this directory of courses, which I’m not exactly sure how I fell upon.

Self doubt in the creative process: My Remix Project

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So.. its late at night.. and tomorrow is the Boston Media Makers.. which means a couple things… #1 That it’s been a month since I’ve written a blog post.. and #2 I should go tomorrow.. but it being as late as it is.. I may not be able to find it within myself to wake from my comma to make the venture out… though it would no doubt be good for me…

Err….

So right now I have to “pimp” my music.. well actually ask you for your vote. All this amounts to is clicking on this here link….  at the end of which is a remix I did for this contest.. and so what I’m asking is you take a listen.. and if you dig it.. to vote for me… as of my last check I’m 28th out of 184.. although I’m not entirely sure how real that number is.

I guess to limit folks making multiple votes.. they ask for your email when voting…

Marketing is story telling: The Story of the Remix

But I should tell you about this production.. and I should.. or plan to.. do a number of blog posts about the production of this remix.. the story.  It seems that every jump into the arena of music production / art making.. for me.. it’s always a story, a drama.

How good am I?

The plot is many fold and I can’t give it all to you here and now.. But.. well here’s the question “How good am I?” For me.. that’s a question that fills me with a certain amount of dread.. My sorta.. response / thoughts / feelings.. with respect to what I think the answer might be.. well there’s many levels to it.

There is a part of me that is confident.. and a part of me that.. well where my feet don’t always touch the ground and I have these grandiose feelings about my work sometimes… but that grandiosity seems kind of bipolar because.. it also swings down into these dark depressive states of wondering who the hell am I kidding.. to think I’m good enough to even bother really….

And so it is that in making the music, making the art.. its like I find that I have to do battle with this question.. these fears… the demons that lye waiting around.. for me surrounding the question… this is my inward psychological challenge.

The other part of the challenge

The next part of it… is that I have no business calling myself an artist.. or this is what I believe.. if I’m not working my ass off trying to make it happen… Now this part of me sorta believes this question of “how good am I?” is sort of a bullshit, besides the point question. It’s the part of me that doesn’t exactly believe in talent.. but believes in muscles… that the more you work out on a muscle group..  the stronger it gets.. and so the point is I need to really work my ass off.. when it comes to this muscle group of music production.

The trouble is I have to fight my way through the demons of self doubt in order to obtain a state of… working my ass of… I have to kind walk on fire.. and.. all this sorta madness.

The measure of success

So on this level the remix was a success because.. I did indeed work my ass off on it. And not only did I work my ass off on it.. but I believe I also grew a hell of a lot from the experience… so there we go.. two victories.

Of course there’s another part of me that says “Look, it was a full time job that ended up taking about a month’s worth of work, and if you win the contest.. you only get $1000… and is that worth all the work you put in? And when you then see that there’s 183 people that I’m up against.. It starts to seem like a really mad thing to try and do.

But… but.. if I were to win.. that would be powerful.. It would be powerful because I put everything I had into this project… and so it would be a kind of affirmation towards working so hard.. towards putting everything you’ve got into a project… and not only that.. to all the fears of not being good enough.. it would say “um dude, you just won in a contest where you were up against 183 other people.” Not only that.. but then there’s the prize money… and your work getting released on an album where you get some kind of exposure and do some kind of reputation building…

And to the degree to which getting into remixing is something I need to do.. as it could be a source of money.. it would be a hell of a first step.

So of course that’s one reason why I’m asking for your vote.. and hell.. even if I don’t win.. but do well as far as people voting for me.. that would mean a lot to!

So what I intend to do is spend the month promoting my remix.. and a big part of that will be writing these kinds of blog posts.. on the story of the production.

So I guess this is one story.

Anyway… so once again.. here’s the link to my remix where you can vote.

Its about 15 minutes till Christmas

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I’m sitting in bed, with my cat, some Diorites, Gatorade, and a small assortment of pills that I am to take…

I’m spent… really really spent. I got very little sleep last night.. so I’ve been in a surreal sleep deprived state the whole day… I worked on a post on the subject… but…

There are some posts that are difficult for me to post.. these are usually of the longer, more complex, variety… epic if you will. Posts where I deep dive into one or another subject.. and probably a subject that your average reader would come to without a whole lot of background knowledge..

It was said to me, at one point, that it was like you needed a PhD in Matt.. to really follow this stuff.

I’d like to do more posts like that actually. It might not make a lot of sense from the usual marketing perspective.. but it might.

You see there’s the really deep and rich intellectual foundation to my work.. to my way of being in the world.. I am some kind of a philosopher I guess you could say… and I think.. if you should find the subjects interesting… which at least I do.. I think this could be some very exciting stuff to go and explore publicly.

This stuff, I think, is the real reason why I was put on this earth.. this is my real passion… and… the spirits whom visit me seem to be beckoning me onward.. down these paths.

That’s a strange thing to say… but that gets at my mystic shtick

I imagine you’ve probably seen the Matrix movie(s).. In a way the movie suggests that the world we take for reality.. is really an illusion.. and the real world is this other thing.. and its about saving humanity from the illusion that enslaves us. Or that’s one way to think of it.

Well its a sorta similar idea.. I heard this said somewhere.. I think by a psychoanalyst..  some people cling to fantasy in order to escape reality, others cling to reality to escape there fantasy’s. I always liked that.

Another way of pointing to it is something Jung said in reference to psychology types:. The mysteries of the universe extend infinitely into the outer material world.. but they also extend infinitely into the interior world of the psyche.. folks more orientated to the outer world we call extroverts, people more orientated to the inner world we call introverts.

The point here.. an what people miss.. is that the inward world is just as real as outer world. You can say “it’s all in your mind” about.. whatever.. but at root.. all the problems of life are inward problems..

So this business of talking about mystical things.. spirits.. whatever.. the mystic side of religions and mythologies from the dawn of time.. have served as a road map to this inward world.. and a part of the truth they speak to is the truth of inward reality. And in large measure I’d say this is one of the big things the world is missing today…

And this is really what my art and work is all about exploring.

So when I speak of spirits beckoning me onward.. I’m personifying actual psychic, or psychological… experience.

And it’s “not just subjective.”

The surrealists, of course, thought of it as a kind of “ultimate reality” and it really is, in many ways… what Plato was trying to get to with is ultimate ideas..

Anyway… I think think this is probably a post worth posting